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Monday, February 28, 2005

National Elisa Thinks You Should Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say Day

I'm lying to you already.

Oh, I'm not saying that it isn't important to speak succinctly and accurately, of course it is. I'm just saying that I have a tendency towards inventiveness (read laziness) in my speech. I have a tendency to use words that, although they do have inherent meaning, have a different meaning when I use them.

Tonight, we'll have a lesson in Elisa-Speak. Enjoy the ride.

Item. n. Can be used to describe any "thing".

Bucket. n. Anything that holds something else.

In use, you might hear these words in conversation like this:
Friend: "Elisa, do you need anything from the cafeteria?"
Elisa: "Yeah. Can you get me a bucket and some items?"

Translation: "Yes. Will you please get me a paper salad bowl and some utensils?"

Just so you know, the above was a fairly typical bit of conversation I had with various co-workers, and they usually understood what I meant.

Upon seeing something shiny and pink:
Elisa: "I need to have that item." Alternately, "That item should live at my house".

Translation: "I would like to own that shiny, pink thing."

Pants. interj. Means that something or someone is bad.

Usage: "You're pants!"

-pants. suff. Means that something is very cute.

Usage: "Look at that puppypants!"

Put pants and -pants together and you'll really make some heads spin. I'd like it if you did. So go ahead. Then report back. Thanks.

I should also tell you that the fact that I am so comfortable with pants being both a good and a bad thing is considered flogic* by Michael.

He's not always right.

-ado. suff. Reduces the impact of the word it is attached to.

Usage: "Fuckado".

During the first Thanksgiving I spent with Mike and his family, we watched some football with some of his cousins. At one point, something bad happened and I said fuckado without even thinking about it. Mike leaned over and said "Did you just say fuckado in front of my 12 year old cousin?" and I think I responded to him with "Fuckadoodledo". Mike later remarked that at least I hadn't just said fuck.

four. n. Indicates a small number, but not necessarily the real number four.

Usage:
Friend: "So, how do you think you did on the SATs?"
Elisa: "I think I got about four answers right, including my name."

8,000. n. Indicates a large number, but not necessarily the real number 8,000.

Usage: "I've got 8,000 mosquito bites."

In context, it really isn't difficult to figure out what the hell I'm talking about (at least I think so, I can't really speak for anyone else who tries to converse with me on a regular basis), but when forced to, I can be as, um, whaddyacallit, er, precise, as the next person.

Right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, it's been a hell of a month, but this is the last official post of the first "National Elisa Thinks Stuff" Month. I may make this a semi-regular feature, or I may just do it again next year, but either way, this probably won't be the last time you find out just what I think.

I am planning to do a recap of some of the best comments I received over the past month, and let me tell you, you gals are WAY funnier than I. WAY funnier.

*Flogic is not included in the Elisa-Speak dictionary because more than one person worried about what might happen should flogic become known to Significant Others.

40 Comments:

  • At 12:28 AM, Blogger Nancy said…

    Gotta say, I love -ado! I'll be sure to introduce this into my vocab as well!

    Thanks for a great month of blog reading!!

    Nancy
    http://goteweinstitches.blogspot.com

    PS - Thanks for keeping flogic on the down low. :-)

     
  • At 4:22 AM, Blogger Ian said…

    Excellent! And I must add more -

    1. Thing. (n) Used to describe anything from a storage box to a container of liquid. As in "can you open the fridge and hand me the thing of milk?"

    2. Whadeyacallit. (n) similar to Thing (n) but specific to mechanics or technology. As in "where's the whadeyacallit to change channels on the TV?"

    3. Fuck off (adj). Not to be confused with the command of the same name. This use involves description. As in "outside the gate there was a big, fuck off dog."

     
  • At 8:45 AM, Anonymous Colleen said…

    I love -adoodledo. I use it whenever possible.

     
  • At 9:24 AM, Blogger Lauren said…

    I love the dictionary of Elisa-speak! So useful! I use the low and high numbers too... they are not so static though, they change a little bit :) I think that -ado is my fave too... you are gonna keep me smiling about this all day, E.

    Loved the February entries--creative, hilarious, and completely 100% Elisa! I loved learning more about you! :)

     
  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger ErLeCa said…

    Thank you for a month full of laughs. Even if I didn't relate to one of them (I'm thinking thongs...)It still made me laugh my butt off!

     
  • At 3:06 PM, Blogger Freecia said…

    I say meo a lot to my boyfriend. With different intonations. It gets especially fun with instant messenger. Not necessarily like meow, sometimes it is me-O
    meo!
    meo?
    meoooooo
    meo!!!
    meo meooooooo.
    meo.

    That vaguely trasnlates into:
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    why!!!
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    And yes, I do sometimes slip and say it in public in front of my friends. It gets cuter when he forgets.

    "Anyhow" is my non-sequitor word. I use it to recover a train of thought or depart a train of thought. Sometimes to terminate a train of thought. My trains get confused.

     
  • At 7:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    *sigh* the end of an era. no wait - you said you might continue this at some point, in some fashion. oh yeah!

    i'm not sure if i have a special vocab. every now and then i'll say "oh, corn it" when i'm pissed off, or maybe "banana you" when someone cuts me off on the road. but that's about it.

    thanks for posting everyday. i know it can be a chore (i'm feeling rather blog-thargic these days) sometimes, so i appreciate your dependable humor!

    *hugs* and *hogs* (just b/c they smell bad)

     
  • At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Eilene said…

    My DH always says "You know...the Whatamathingy" I have NO idea what he is trying to tell me!

     
  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger Gracie said…

    Awww... I'm going to miss these National Elisa thinks about stuff posts...

    I've got a couple as well -

    Any doller amount that ends in 95/99, you don't round up you round down. Example:
    Philip: How much did those shoes cost?
    Me: Oh, about a 100.
    Philip: The tag says 199
    Me: Oh yeah, I don't worry about that.

    (I think it makes him feel better that I don't spend as much on shoes, he doesn't need to know. And, it makes me feel better too.)

    And, in the south you must not forget the prolific use of y'all.

    Example: How are yall doing? or Hey y'all!

    Have a great Tuesday!

     
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    c) love, love, loved your words! particularly pants. giggle-riffic.

     
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