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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

National Elisa Thinks It's the Little Shit That'll Send You to the Nuthouse Day

I'm known to remain quite calm during a disaster. Like the time my neighbor, S, came over to my apartment with a badly cut finger wrapped in paper towels 30 minutes before his parents were to land at San Jose International Airport, did I freak out? Not I. Hastily I made a sign with my neighbor's parent's last name on it, gave it to my ex-husband along with instructions to meet S's parents at their gate and I took S to the emergency room where I never even flinched while S received 13 stitches and a tetanus shot. I made sure he had his insurance card. I filled out all the insurance/emergency room paperwork. I was cool as a cucumber the entire time, and more than once, S marveled at my calm.

However, a paper cut and a missed train in the same day can make me completely lose my shit.

Isn't that always the way, though? When Some Really Major Shit happens, I slide into the Zone, that place where I focus absolutely on the task at hand, and all the things that need to be done just seem to slide into place. The more freaked out the people around me get, the calmer I become.

Unfortunately, I seem to be out of the Zone a lot.

An example:

When my ex-husband and I were getting married, within two weeks of getting engaged I had arranged for the flowers, my dress, our rings, the location, the caterer, the photographer and the DJ. One night, maybe a month into the wedding planning, my ex and I decided to go through a drive through at a fast food restaurant for dinner and when he asked me what I wanted, I burst into tears and cried "Why can't anything be easy?" and "I can't make even one more decision, I just can't". I may have also said "And you can't make me".

Yeah, that's me being out of the Zone.

Should you be standing next to me someday when something (I'd find) irritating happens and I start to laugh, and it sounds kind of like "huh huh, huh huh", you probably want to duck. Or distract me. That's the "huh huh" of a woman on the edge, a woman who's about 3 seconds from losing her shit (one of my favorite sayings, thanks, feel free to use it if you like).

Are you wondering what those things are that I'd find irritating? A short list would include the above mentioned paper cuts and missed trains, but would also include palm trees (I HATE palm trees), smelly people, bad manners, over air-conditioned rooms, stripes with plaids, big hair, ginormous fake boobs, coughing, bad service, and oh, did I mention, PALM TREES.

Seriously - I f*cking hate palm trees.

Huh huh, huh huh...


On a much different note, I received two lovely RAOKs today. One, a sweet little note and funny card from Lisa, and two, some terrific lemon-bergamot lip balm and a tube of cuticle cream with a lovely little note from Margene. What wonderful mail to come home to! Thank you so much, ladies, for taking the time to think of me. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness!

And of course, in a moment of pure flogicality, I told Mike to take the digital camera with him on his business trip to Missouri this week. This means that I have no pictures of the lovely RAOKs, tomorrow's knit knite will be pictureless, and Thursday's (last) flogic post will have to wait until Friday because that post requires pictures, folks. Mike actually tried to convince me that he didn't need to bring the camera with him, but get this - I insisted.

I'll be here all week, folks.


  • At 12:24 AM, Blogger Kim said…

    One of the top reasons you are my best friend...

    You never fail to make me laugh my ass off!


  • At 1:00 AM, Blogger Nancy said…

    Hmmm... I'm getting the impression that you dislike palm trees. :-)


  • At 7:17 AM, Blogger Lauren said…

    I would so be in the nuthouse after this morning... I was running around like a crazy woman... just tons of little things before I walk out the door for work. But when something really serious happens, like you, I can handle that... strange.

    DO you know how excited I am about MAY? woo hooo!!!!

    Talk to you soon!

  • At 7:20 AM, Blogger maryse said…

    planning a wedding while surrounded by palm trees is enough to make anyone lose their shit.

    by the way, it's the little things that push me over the edge. the big stuff i can handle.

  • At 7:43 AM, Blogger um said…

    okay, i can understand the hatred for palm trees, big hair, fake wonkers, and bad manners. but smelly people? come on. you have to have a limit somewhere, woman. open the door, and let them in.

    *hug* for you and your witty ways!

  • At 8:56 AM, Blogger ErLeCa said…

    Oh yes, I've definitely experienced those days where the small things can drive me absolutely insane and make me break down for no apparent reason. Does this happen to men? Because I swear I only know women who do it!!!

  • At 9:03 AM, Blogger melanie said…

    Thanks for the reminder, I'll definitely bring my camera!

    I know what you mean about the Zone. I totally enter that zone in catastrophes, but give me a flat tire and no wheel lock key and you've got a Very Angry Melanie.

  • At 1:02 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    I think that National Elisa thinks...Days should be federally recognized!


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