My Hundred Things:
1. Since everyone and everything seems to get their own month, I would like there to be a month called “National Things Elisa Hates Month” because I really hate many, many things. Certainly enough to fill up a month with one thing per day.
2. Like palm trees.
3. And paper cuts.
4. And bad manners.
5. And people who take up too much space when they walk. Oh yeah, I could have a whole month.
6. I was an only child until I was 14 years old when my sister was born to my dad and his second wife (who was only 10 years older than me).
7. My dad has been married 3 times.
8. My mom has been married 4.
9. My G’pa was married once and I didn’t find out about it until they had been divorced for more than ten years. He was married three times total, twice to my Grandma.
10. I was married at age 23 and divorced at 27.
11. I truly meant to be married once and forever.
12. Luckily I am older now and I have forgiven myself for getting divorced.
13. On my 29th birthday, my mom was in jail, I had just found out that my G’pa had terminal lung cancer, and Mike was out of town on a business trip.
14. Thankfully, I have great friends who took me to dinner and laughed with me about my life being like a bad country song.
15. My life has often been like a bad country song.
16. My father got sole custody of me in 1974 and raised me as best he could.
17. I will always be grateful to him for that.
18. When I was little, my dad would drop me off at my maternal grandma’s house each morning on his way to work.
19. My grandma would get me up, make me breakfast and send me to school.
20. Whenever it rained, I would splash in as many puddles as I could because I knew that when I got home, my grandma would let me change into my pajamas, and she’d warm a clean pair of socks in the dryer and then would let me cuddle on her lap while she sang to me.
21. My dad is an alcoholic.
22. Recently I was talking to my cousin Stephanie about why I seem to be so much more forgiving of my dad than my mom, when they were both essentially, well, not the best parents.
23. She said “Because your dad always wanted to be your dad”, and that was one of those moments where you feel something shift inside of you, and you understand that you now Know something important.
24. My cousin Stephanie rocks.
25. My friends have always been as important to me as my family.
26. My best friend Kim has taught me about grace, courage, friendship, unconditional love, and punctuality.
27. Kim is the first person to ever send me flowers at work (for my 29th birthday).
28. Kim is the first person to ever get me something from Tiffany’s (for my 30th birthday).
29. Kim has never, ever, not once, let me down.
30. I grew up in Northern California and moved to Boston in 2000.
31. I have been writing poetry since I was 12.
32. The poetry I wrote at 12 is occasionally clever and always rhymes.
33. When my heart was broken for the first time at age 15 I stopped writing rhymed verse.
34. I have been a featured performer at various open mics in Boston.
35. I tend to avoid the poetry open mics and go to open mics where the performers are typically singer/songwriters, but are welcoming to poets.
36. I decided to make different choices than my parents made.
37. I didn’t drink until I was 21 and I didn’t experiment with drugs.
38. I believed that as a child of parents with alcohol and substance abuse problems, I had to make a conscious decision to make different choices than they had.
39. I realized in my mid 20s that no matter how good or bad your parents were, at some point, you make choices about whether or not you will be like them.
40. I think it is okay to make a mistake as long as you take responsibility for it.
41. People who avoid personal responsibility would get their very own day in my national month.
42. I was raised United Methodist and wanted to be a minister for a long time.
43. Then I realized that I didn’t believe in Jesus Christ.
44. I have an uncle who is a minister and a teacher and is the least hypocritical person I know.
45. I respect people who live their beliefs every day, and my uncle is that type of person.
46. I wasted too much being unhappy, and I’ll admit that I have become less tolerant of people who complain then do nothing to change their situations.
47. I do not expect anyone to give me anything. Ever.
48. I know that I am not owed happiness. Not by my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, or anyone.
49. I am responsible for creating my own happiness.
50. I love to sing in public.
51. The first song I ever sang in public was “How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?” at a pizza parlor called The Captain’s Galley in Santa Clara, California. I was 3 years old and it was 1977.
52. I taught myself to knit in May when I learned that my G’pa’s cancer had spread and I lost someone very special to me.
53. I can be really cranky.
54. You probably shouldn’t talk to me before I’ve had coffee.
55. No, seriously. You shouldn’t.
56. I am short and I have a huge butt.
57. No, seriously. It’s huge.
58. I’ve been to California twice this year, and both times I attended funerals.
59. I freak out when the phone rings at home, convinced that something bad has happened.
60. As a result, I almost never listen to my voice messages.
61. I find out who called, delete the message, and call them back.
62. I didn’t realize the importance of family until my late 20s.
63. My aunt, who is now the matriarch of our family, is the best role model I could possibly have.
64. I am in love with a wonderful man, Mike.
65. We live together in a beautiful apartment.
66. The first year we lived together was very difficult, between having mice, no parking, a burglar (while we were home), and some family tragedies, and I am thankful that we worked through everything as a team.
67. Mike is a very practical man, and so when we got in our rental car on the morning of my 30th birthday and he started to play a CD mix that he had made with songs that all had to do with birthdays, or cake, or parties, or were just by my favorite artists, I got very weepy.
68. I realized, for the millionth time, just how lucky I am.
69. Mike is the most amazing human being I have ever met.
70. I try not to take anyone or anything for granted.
71. I don’t need everyone to like me.
72. I don’t need everyone to be my friend.
73. I hate small talk.
74. I don’t call just anyone my friend, but when I say it, I mean it.
75. I tell my friends all the time that I love them, because I do, and I want them to know.
76. To this day the song “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” reminds me of one Christmas when my mom was supposed to take me for the holiday, but left me at my Grandma’s house and wouldn’t let me go home to my dad. That song was on a tape of Christmas music that I played over and over again as I cried myself to sleep.
77. That memory is a hard one for me.
78. I believe my mom loved me as much as she was able.
79. I think people have different capacities for love, and if someone loves you as much as they are able to, then you can’t ask them for more.
80. That doesn’t mean, however, that it will be enough for you.
81. But that will be your decision alone.
82. I grew up trying to make everyone happy and avoided confrontation at all costs.
83. I have learned that it is okay to argue, but I have pretty rigid rules of engagement. Disrespect is never okay.
84. For the last ten years I have tried to make all of my Christmas gifts,
85. Not to save money but because handmade gifts are all about the love and thoughtfulness that goes into them.
86. Before I began knitting, I read all the time.
87. I designed a database to track my reading.
88. I majored in English in college.
89. Hemingway is my dead boyfriend.
90. Ralph Wiggum is my cartoon boyfriend.
91. I’m a little OCD. You should see my linen closet.
92. Or my closet, which is organized by garment type, color, and weight. Seriously.
93. Now I have a database to track my knitting needle inventory and my stash.
94. I like to get people to do things I would never do myself. I especially like to get people to eat meat that I think is strange.
95. I don’t have a great sense of humor, but I love to make people laugh.
96. Especially my dear friend Caroline, as I love to hear her laugh.
97. I have been a vegetarian for 15 years, but am in danger of losing my membership and having to return my toaster.
98. I ate a hotdog on Labor Day. It was fan-freaking-tastic.
99. I really wanted this to be a lighthearted list, but I am not really a lighthearted person, and I’d rather tell you things that are meaningful than things that are funny.
100. Which leads me back to #95, of course.
